Pain. I'm in pain today. Must have slept funny or something. I've got a crick in my neck, and for some reason every time I open my jaw I get a muscle pain underneath my mouth. My right shoulder is in agony and my throat feels like it's got a hole in it. My lower back is also giving me shit, but what else is new? I haven't had the divine opportunity to talk this much about pain since writing Casualty back during the Iraq "skirmish". Oh, I think The Deer might have been written later than that, but that's a litte more surreal.

Anyway, bottom line is I've felt better.

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Ah, Half-Life, my forgotten story. I'm about a fifth of the way through completely re-working it, but at last I'm starting to see the next few chapters take shape. But before I can write them, it is becoming more and more imperative that the beginning chapters make a little more sense. There are two scenes in upcoming chapters that I am particularly looking forward to putting down in words, namely the arsony and "that phonecall". Of course, this likely means nothing to you now, but by hell and blood it means something to me.

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Been playing Broodwar some more online. Still trying to gather the pace of years gone by, but at least I can keep up with the current crop of enthusiasts without too much trouble. It's disappointing though some of the maps that people are using. They defy the need for expansion, a vital strategic element of the game. Without it, it's just a case of who can rush fastest, and whose allies can keep up. I've not had a lot of luck thus far in allies, but when I get up to my speed, they won't be necessary anyway.

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A rough tally puts the money I've given to charity this year at over �100. �20 more has been committed after I also spend a wholesome �1 on "Jeans for Genes" day here at work. But, regardless of the fact that my contribution is somewhat lacklustre, I fear that my money isn't going to the right places. What do I want to achieve? What do I want to happen? What do I want to assist where I believe that the money is needed? Ask that question anywhere and a legion of charities come begging to take my cash away. But are they worthy? Everyone has a cause, something they want to save or destroy. Africa, AIDS, Malaria, Landmine victims, single mothers, rape victims. The list goes on. To me, there is only one cause, one area whose need is so great that if action isn;t taken in the next 15-20 years, the end result will be absolutely catastrophic. Aquatic life. How many times have you read recently about low fish stocks, declining corals, polluted waters and protected species being hunted down? To me, I've heard more than I can bear. Everyone is aware by now that we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the goings on under the surface of the world's waters, and yet still we've managed to take the life within - the origin of ALL life on this planet - and take it to the brink of outright extinction. Regardless of my sentimentalist beliefs regarding the beauty to be had under the water - the variety of life, the complexity of eco-systems, the danger of being completely beyond our element - the possible repurcussions of our continued abuse of aquatic resources will eventually prove a stumbling block for all of mankind. The developing world alone currently catches more than 65million metric tons of fish every year for food. When this is gone, the food shortfall will be impossible to bridge, and all of the noble efforts to fight starvation, famine and disease will falter and fail.

Already, we are blaming those creatures we have striven to protect for the problems we now face. Iceland is making what is essentially a study into the number of whales the world can afford to support given the damage done to the aquatic eco-systems. The outcome of this will be the culling of thousands, perhaps millions of whales on a global scale. We must cease to fight the effects of human ignorance and folly, and instead acknowledge the source of the problems, and work to achieve a better balance for all.

I am not confident that humanity in general is in a position to understand what is needed of it.

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