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Introspection

It's not often that I find myself wondering if my views are entirely justifiable. I'm not entirely sure why, but I feel slightly introspective today, and am trying to consider the degree to which what I put here is actually little more than sensationalist and extreme.

I have to admit, before I go to any great level of self-diagnosis, that the arguments I make, and the conclusions I draw are done virtually in isolation. The great conundrum from which I suffer is a complete lack of anyone in my life with whom I am able to discuss the matters which I believe are relevant. Perhaps that is a major reason why this diary exists in the first place. Or maybe I'd get some little thrill from subjecting the unsuspecting internet audience to such thoughts as mine anyway. Maybe, to a lesser or greater degree, a part of the reason I write here is for the shock factor the anonymous internet audience experiences. To that extent then, is this all about the attention?

Regardless of whatever motivation I have for writing here, I believe it is fundamental to understand that the views, opinions and beliefs shared here are developed alone, and in my own mind are almost without question, despite never having been properly challenged by anyone outside my own sphere of thought. It can be said then, that my opinion tends to be based from the perspective of one on the outside looking in, and only ever from one angle. You may have noticed that I don't tend to balance my arguments to any significant degree. This is partly because when writing here, my conclusions have already been drawn, the evidence I've made available to myself analysed and digested, and it becomes pointless to re-open the debate once the door is closed. There is also the point that it would take considerably longer to write the majority of entries on the basis of offering a balanced argument. I really can't be bothered to do that, and nobody wants to read that kind of listless and circular epic anyway.

But what of the validity of my conclusions, then? You don't see the process with which I make them, nor the arguments which would count against what I do offer. All I can say in that regard is that, over the several years I have been writing this diary, I have rarely been offered any challenge to what even I consider to be radical and anti-human diatribe. I think there was some resistance to my suggestion, some time ago, that third world aid, in its current form, be completely scrapped. But beyond that, opposition is either fuming in silence or otherwise doesn't exist.

That leaves me to conclude, for the lack of any opposing argument, that what I believe is either fully justified, or else lacks the competition of opposing thought to be anything other than one-sided ranting.

However, the conclusion is meaningless. Regardless of my attempts to self-validate, the continued lack of a balancing factor in my every day existence means that I will continue to see this diary as the only viable outlet for my considerations. The way I think, and the things I think about, are not acceptable social conversation, despite the relevance to everyone who shuns it. Therefore I am left to stew in my own creative juices.

Which brings me onto the underlying meaninglessness of the diary itself. Despite being a necessary outlet, the comments I make affect nobody, and change nothing. As the Smashing Pumpkins would no doubt tell me, despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

I may be right. I am most probably wrong. Without intellectual competition, I will never be sure. The one thing I can say with certainty is that the lack of opposing, or at least tempering or balancing thought is something that grieves me.

IB



3 message(s) of denial

fuzzems - 2006-09-05 09:18:54

Are you saying that the main reason that you write all of your thoughts here is so that you will get some feedback, some challenge? I feel as though I should not stand back now, that I should write and explain or challenge how I feel on the situation, without reprecations though. Bravo for standing out and for what you think and see in issues.

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intellectual competition - 2006-09-13 01:25:06

You're a berskshire hunt.

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Incognito - 2006-09-15 12:46:24

Do you realize how cynical and ugly you are? Just wondering.

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Copyright Insane Bartender 2006-09-05 10:13 a.m.

e-mail me: Insane Bartender