I wonder sometimes if I'm not missing something. Life is happening all around me, and those closest seem to be expecting some kind of reaction which I do not believe is forthcoming. Am I the only person who isn't over-reacting to life's perversions? Is everyone else around me suffering from some emotive disease?

Or am I the odd one out? Do I feel nothing because I'm simply incapable of sensing any emotions? Has some integral part of my mind died and left me an emotionally crippled? Perhaps. I'm coming to the conclusion that, with what is happening around me, I should be feeling something. The fact that I feel almost nothing instead, while comforting from the perspective that I'm not breaking down into a gibbering, hyper-sensitive wreck, is nonetheless concerning. Could it follow that if I cannot sympathise or empathise, I cannot understand? Peple's lives break apart, and I find myself coldly considering the impact that this has on my own life.

I've tried justifying this to myself in terms of the logic of this reaction. That crying a river of tears won't help me get on with my life, or anyone else get on with theirs. Maybe that cuts the mustard, maybe not. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to feel right now. Surely I should feel something. Anything. Anger, fury, sympathy, guilt, sorrow, anything.

Instead I feel the world washing over me, and past me, and as it does so, I think it is leaving me behind.

0 message(s) of denial

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